So I blame my friend Anne from Confessions Of A Disgruntled Army Wife for bringing the hooker into the lives of many.
She met her the summer all of our husbands started deploying, on Facebook. Their husbands were some of the first to deploy I think. Whatever, not important to the story.
So I met The Hooker on Jess from the newly rechristened A Soldier's Wife...'s 21st birthday. It was also the first time Jess met her.
Well I was like who is she and why is she wearing a football jersey to go out to lunch when we are all dressed cute? That was my first impression. That and she talked about Jack in the Box tacos a lot.
I will say this, Hookers have good taste in wine, she is the one who clued me into how delicious moscato is.
Carrying on, I'm not sure how we all became friends with her but she came part of the core group of girls I spent the beginning of deployment with. She was a very sweet girl, although she became less so as time went on.
Some things about her made me uneasy, most notably the fact that her marriage apparently "started out" as a contract marriage but they realized later that they "were in love." (In case you don't know a contract marriage is apparently not unheard of in the military, a soldier marries some one so that person can have health insurance and the soldier can collect BAH).
They met through and ad on craigslist.
There were major, obvious red flags that I missed in my naivete. Like the fact that she "worked at a hotel near SeaTac" and "got paid $500 under the table just to show up".
She also claimed to be a digital assistant, at first she was a digital assistant to an investment banker, but after learning that my uncle is an investment banker she changed her tune and said she was a digital assistant to a real estate lawyer... Even though Anne was working on becoming a paralegal, and Jess had a real estate license.
There was also the time that Jess and I showed up at her house after she had been saying how awful of a day she had, and walked in to find some random dude (whose name she couldn't even pronounce) hanging out there. He lived there for a couple of weeks. Quote from Jess "He wanted the girlfriend experience".
Anyway, I kind of got skeeved out by the guy staying with her while her husband was away. She claimed he was an ex. But it was obvious that something was going on.
But I pushed it to the back of my mind and spent Thanksgiving at her house with Anne and Jess. How we ate there and didn't get scabies I will never know, because you can't turn a ho into a housewife. And girl was a shitty housekeeper. She bought a new dog and he pooped EVERYWHERE. And her house was just very dirty. (Side note, like I said she was sweet and she would often drop off baked goods at friend's houses, unfortunately because her house was dirty they were rarely eaten).
Anyway we had a falling out because I told her not to call me when she was wandering the commissary because it wasted my minutes with her just wanting to be on the phone so people wouldn't talk to her, even though she wasn't talking to me either.
After our falling out is when things got clear, my friend K told me a tale that I will never forget.
Long story short, K was out with her husband and some guys in his unit, and ran into Anne and the Hooker. The Hooker in true hooker form was talking to the new guys while Anne chatted with K and K's husband. After Anne and the Hooker left one of the guys revealed that the hooker told him that she was a "companion" and gave him her rates.
Hooker.
Things all started to make sense... No wonder she never was actually "working" and had tons of cash to throw around. And the hotel story.
A month or two later, my friend Rachael from Robots Ate My Grandma had a story for me (and the rest of our friends) that she was surfing Craigslist and came upon an ad that was a guy looking for someone to escort him on a business trip. Said person had to be willing to do ass to mouth, be subordinate, and all sorts of other shit that I have no idea what it is because I'm sheltered, and he would pay for the hotel, flights and $2000...
The Hooker (who was no longer friends with Anne or Jess by this point, but still talked to Rachael) was like "Oh Rach, I have a business trip, I'm making $2000 just to fly out there and do this! Can you watch my dog?"
Rachael is no idiot. She put 2 and 2 together. And told us all.
Then our husbands came home. And the Hooker and her husband moved. We still don't know if he knows his wife hooks or not.
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| there is a hooker in this picture.. hint it's not the girl in the back with their curly hair. That's me. |
From Rachael: her fucked up teeth that throw up gang signs.
From Jess: my thoughts on *name withheld*, to sum it up, are that she's the definition of that old saying "you can't make a whore a housewife"...and as much as you polish a piece of shit, it's still a piece of shit. its just a piece of shit in a shiny red *make of car withheld*, with "BITCH" keyed into the side ;)
From Anne: I actually am not the one who sold her out but then again I would have eventually once I found out about it. (In reference to me asking if it's cool that I blame her for introducing us all to the hooker)
you should probably vote before I slip even more.
