No Turkey For This Bitch Tomorrow

First off this is my first Thanksgiving with my husband. So it is our first year making our own traditions. And our last year of kid free holidays.
It should be our 3rd but the first year we were married he was in AIT in GA while I was in Ft. Lauderdale with my family and last year he was in Iraq.
I was never big on the whole Thanksgiving thing. Turkey is only good with cranberry sauce and cranberry sauce leaves a funny taste in your mouth so then mashed potatoes don't taste good. And honestly I only recently started liking mashed potatoes. And pretty much all the other sides are not things I am a fan of. I am from MA so I get the whole history part of it. You know the Pilgrims and Indians had a meal together because the Pilgrims were all thankful that the Indians showed them to put dead fish in their corn to make it grow better. But I must have missed the day where we learned about the Pilgrims teaching the Indians to eat until thier pants (loincloths? deer skin leggings?) explode. I do not like eating until I am afraid my intestines will rupture so that aspect of Thanksgiving does not appeal to me.
Prior to age 10 I was tortured with turkey year after year. I hate being told what to do, and I am not a turkey fan. And was made to sit at the table til I finished. Plus when my dad was carving said turkey all the crappy pieces were the "kid's pieces". Not cool. Also we (my siblings and I) were forced to wear ridiculous outfits. My sister and I often matched. Also not cool.
From ages 10-18 we spent Thanksgiving at my mom's grandmother's where there was no turkey, and we got to eat ravioli. Because that is what Italians eat on Thanksgiving. And really who doesn't like ravioli?
After age 18 we would go down to Florida to be with my dad's side of the family. (In 08 my mother and I didn't get any turkey because there was not enough, but we did get to eat a meal with a girl named Cinnamon. She was Turkish or a stripper. Who knows? maybe both) So I was excused from eating turkey one year. Oh but no one let me forget my hatred of turkey as a child. Little did they know I still don't like it all that much.
Last year is now known as Prostiturkey 09 because well Thanksgiving was hosted at a prostitute's house. This may be what officially turned me off turkey forever. That whore (literally a whore)'s kitchen was dirtier than well a hooker's vagina. I was afraid of catching Hep A-Z but hoped that the alcohol consumed would sterilize whatever food I ate.
This year we were supposed to spend with friends but with the ice and lack of salted road and excess of dumbasses on the roads, we will not be driving anywhere.
By the time we made this decision it was too late to get a turkey, but neither of us are fans of turkey, and thus we have decided on our own tradition.
We will eat spaghetti and chicken cutlets for Thanksgiving. Is this un-American? Possibly. But I figure we get a pass because A. The Barbarian is in the Army and B. Plymouth Rock where all the Pilgrims, the original celebrators of Thanksgiving is like an hour from my parents' house. So therefore we are practically Pilgrims ourselves and don't have to eat turkey if we don't motha effin' want to.

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